It’s preposterous for anyone to think that we moose support the Canadian officials prohibiting the humans from letting us lick the salt off their cars.

Everyone knows that salt provides the nutrients we need to keep us healthy. Without salt, our nerves, muscles, and fluids will go to pot!

I don’t know about you humans, but I don’t want any of my body systems going to pot. I like my body. It’s why I’m able to take brisk walks across the Canadian Rockies, get a cool drink of water from the Peace River, and lie down on a bed of evergreen grass in Kootenay Park.

But none of us moose will be able to enjoy the beauty of nature if we’re “dinosaured” off all because we couldn’t lick the salt off you humans’ cars.

We moose are making a comeback, now that those savage wolves are being moved out the way. Our populations have grown. The competition for salt is steep. More moose equals greater need for more salt. And with greater demand comes a greater need for more supplies; which the humans are willing to provide with their cars.

Yet, these “nice” Canadian officials have elected to create an impasse by preventing the decent humans from providing us with the salt we need to nourish our bodies.

Just imagine if the roles were reversed and we had done the same thing to you humans. You all would be screaming “bloody murder,” I tell you! You wouldn’t stand for it! And you all wouldn’t stand for it for the same reason why we don’t stand for it.

To deny a living creature the very substance helping to sustain his life is an act against God. God is pro-life, as are we moose. The Canadian officials, however, are anti-life.

All of that hogwash about their concern for our safety is just their way of covering up the fact that they want Canada for themselves.

To them, we are a hindrance to their progression because we occupy open land that they want to use for their Starbucks, Verizon hotspots, and Bally Total Fitness gyms. We moose won't stand for it, I tell you! We will unite, rise up, and lick all the salt off the roads and cars that we can. The LTS (Lick The Salt) Movement begins…tomorrow!

I see a car that needs all of the salt clean off it.